I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide for as long as I can remember. Hell, there was a time in my life where years went by and there wasn't one day that I didn't think about killing myself, multiple times a day.  Writing has always been my outlet; be it journaling, poetry, or just senseless scribbles. 

Lately, I've been reading blogs and articles written by people dealing with depression and anxiety and I've found them very relate-able.  I know countless people suffer from depression and anxiety but I never realized how many other people have the same fears, struggles, and thoughts as I do. It made me think maybe sharing some of my thoughts and experience might help others. Let them know it's not just them. Also, it will continue to be my outlet since I still haven't brought myself to actually seek out therapy (or a therapist); mainly because it's too expensive but also because of pride.  For me, writing is my therapy. 

Fair warning, though, I intend be painfully honest and open and not everyone will be able to handle that. This is my life, my thoughts, my fears, my struggles, my feelings (uh, I hate that word . . . feelings . . . weak) . . . what's going on in MY head (it can be scary at times). I'm not seeking validation, approval, sympathy, or pity. I'm just writing.  If it helps you, I'm glad.  If it offends you, stop reading (seriously, just stop. Don't feel the need to write comments about your disapproval or complain about being offended. no one is forcing you to read this). I'm extremely sarcastic with a dark (sometimes morbid) sense of humor and I joke about death and dying and being depressed and suicidal all the time. I know it makes people uncomfortable but it's my coping mechanism and it makes me feel better and it's not my job to make everyone else comfortable. I've spent my whole life worrying about what everyone else thinks about me and trying to accommodate everyone and it's exhausting. This is for ME.

So if I've peaked your curiosity and if you think you can handle it, buckle up and follow me into the darkness. 

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